Life on Rural Street

I have a hard time accepting criticism. I think I've finally gotten to a point where I can admit that about myself. It is something I pray about a lot and I think I'm getting better as I mature. I hope I am. I can remember specific instances (especially throught adolescence) where one little criticism would just destroy me. I seem to have two major reactions:

1. I get defensive. I try to make excuses why I messed up something or why what I did is right or correct. I want to make the other person see that I am right.

2. I get extremely hurt. Even though 99% of the time the person giving me the criticism has done nothing wrong, my feelings get hurt. Usually it is because I'm extremely disappointed in myself. I want to do everything exactly right and when someone points that I haven't or that I could have done it better it really hurts me. I feel as if I have let them down and as if I have let myself down.

For a long time I was defensive about being told I couldn't take criticism well. I am finally starting to come to terms with some of this. I am learning that in order to be a better person and to start becoming the woman God wants me be I have to know how to take constructive criticism and use it. Throughout college I got better and better about being able to take the criticism. I could take comments (good and bad) and not have a super strong reaction. But I didn't push myself to do anything with them. That's what I've been working on lately. When I receive constructive criticism I am trying to do something with it.

I think that will help make a better person. It will help to do my work better. And if I can learn that I don't have to do everything perfect the first time I do it and that is really is ok to make mistakes or fall a little short then I can learn how to reach even higher next time.

This is really hard though. Really hard.

This time of year (Lent, Good Friday, Easter) makes me think more about what I need to be working on to be the woman God wants me to be. After what He did for me, how can I not?