Life on Rural Street

it's really sad when your "big" task for the week has been to put away a few baskets of laundry. i don't sleep well when john's gone. i wake up 4 or 5 times every night just trying to figure out where i am. it's really strange how disoriented i can become in my own bed in my own apartment.

john and i have this neverending argument about opening the windows at night. it's either about safety or being hot. the safety one is the one that gets the most heated (no pun intended) we live in what could arguably be a "not-so-safe" section of pittsburgh in a ground-floor apartment that has windows to a back alley. so his argument that sleeping with windows open at night isn't safe makes total sense. i'm really good at blocking out common sense though. i love to sleep with windows open. i love fresh air and cool breezes. so sometimes i win this argument. sometimes i don't. on tuesday night i decided i wanted to sleep with the windows open. i was really excited because i didn't have to argue with john about it. so i throw the window open and pull the curtain back slightly so i can feel the breeze. i'm laying in bed loving the breeze and i suddenly hear a strange noise outside. well, that's all it took. john won the argument and he wasn't even there. i freaked myself out being home alone with the window open. i jumped up, closed the window and turned on the air conditioner much to my cat's dismay.

last night i had to run a couple of errands. i got home, put away the rest of my laundry and sat on my bed staring at the tv. i knew i should read or do something less mind-numbing than watching tv but i had no energy. then i wanted to cry. i don't know why. sometimes i just get overwhelmed when i start thinking about a lot of things at once. things like: will i ever have money to buy a house? when will we start a family? what do i really want to do as a career? is john going to finish his m.div on time? it's ridiculous and i really need to stop obsessing. but so far i haven't mastered that. so i finished that episode by going to bed at 10 o'clock. (early for me) did i say i'm really ready for john to come home?