First things first. Let me introduce two new blogs for your reading pleasure.
The first is that of my husband, John. Head here to read his postings. I know I'm biased, but I think John is an excellent writer who is fantastic at capturing ideas and thoughts. The second is that of BJ Woodworth. So far, my favorite part of his blog is the title. Pretty funny. BJ is John's co-worker (read: Boss!) and a wonderful guy who is leading the Open Door community that we are a part of. BJ has a way of creating excitement around new ideas that most people just can't create. He also writes great poetry. You can head here to read his blog.
I (with the help of my husband) have been thinking a lot about what Christian community looks like for the more introverted person. Bear with me as I try to explain. I love the idea of community. I love the reasoning, thought and scripture behind it. But sometimes I feel that people who are more extroverted have a much easier time with it. When I say extroverted I am not using it interchangeably with "outgoing." I simply mean someone who draws the majority of his/her energy from being around people. (as my good friend Marlaena has taught me so well) So on the opposite side would be the introvert who draws his/her energy from time alone or perhaps more one-on-one situations. Can you see how it would be much harder for the introvert in a communal situation? I see the value of it and I am trying hard to be a part of the Open Door community which John and I sincerely love. But it is hard at times. We talk about hanging out with others in "third spaces" or sharing dinner with friends. And I like to do that every once in a while - but after I work 9-5 in a typical day and come home I am usually so tired that all I want to do is be by myself or just with my husband and just the thought of sharing those few precious hours with others makes me even more tired. Perhaps I'm just being selfish here. And I honestly do think that's a part of it. I am learning to understand that I am not expected to join in all the time, but joining some of the time is good and healthy. But I also think that we need make easy ways for people like myself to plug in, make connections and build relationships, but not feel so tapped that they become consistently uncomfortable or simply back out of any type of community.
I think it's a very hard thing to think about. But I do think it's something we have to take into consideration as we try to invite all types of people into Christ's community. Any thoughts on ways to do this?
about me
- alyssa
- I am wife to John, mom to Téah Jane and Micah Alexander, singer/songwriter, part of a wonderful community called "the Open Door." I live in the East End of Pittsburgh. We live in a Farmhouse Victorian built in 1860 with our German Shepherd, Emma and our Great Dane, Tiny.
8 comments:
Alyssa,
Welcome back. Your comments about the introvert are a very good reminder to me to take this into consideration when getting community things moving with my introverted friends at my church. My energy as an extrovert comes from being around people. I must remember that is not how everyone else is.
Dad / Matrixminister
Thanks. I do think that there are many ways to include and make introverted people feel comfortable. I think what happens is that so often the people planning things or who are "up front" in groups are often extroverted so they just need that reminder!
Hi Alyssa,
I also think that God's people need to realize that because someone has introvert tendencies does not mean they do not also have strong leadership tendencies or good insights. I have often noticed/experienced, as a more introverted person, that it is hard at time to get in and be part of a conversation because I am perceived as a quiet person, which in the mind of a strong extrovert (dominant personality) may equate with not having any ideas worth listening to.
I have been in both meetings and classes where I have had to push myself so hard to jump in - even if a bit awkwardly - to express my ideas....sometimes the introvert thing (kind of being overwhelmed by the GROUP!)is overcome by the desire to express!!!
I agree with you that for an introvert there needs to be time to regenerate through solitude and quiet. I know the Lord will show you the balance and there will be many people who love God and follow Jesus but who just cannot be constantly with HIs people who will be blessed by your example of soul care and self knowledge.
how fun, some of my favorite people are engaged in this dialogue - terry, alyssa, chris . . . i promise i'll share thoughts for i have a few on this topic as a introverted up-front leader in our community of faith. but wanted to say hey and thanks to alyssa for bringing this topic up for discussion.
mc
You are welcome, Marlaean! and thanks for your thoughts "anonymous" and Chris. It's something I've been thinking about for awhile. And the big thing is I don't think that introverted people can use their "introversion" (is that a word?) as an excuse to not participate in community. (I tend to do that) But how do we make community work for people who just get worn out by it? It's hard!
Alyssa, thanks for blogging! This is my second "visit" and it was great fun to read your Annie Lamott observations (I love her! I listened to the audio book of Traveling Mercies more times than I can count). I am at a place right now where I crave community but I am re-learning that I need solitude. Today I had a free morning (a rare occurrence) and I used it to read more of Harry Potter #6 (I finished it later today). I am rediscovering that reading really does give me "mental space" and that writing flows from that. What I wonder: will we have a prayer room at the UP? Because that is truly a gift for us introverts. Let's keep this communication line going. (Gosh, that sounds so "business suit."--let's keep chatting is what I mean.)
Alyssa,
I'm a friend of your dad's from a long-extinct Duke basketball bulletin board and read your blog from time to time through the link from his blog.
As an introverted person I struggle with this alot. One problem I run into in the Christian community is being made to feel guilty or somehow "less Christian" because there is a limit to the amount of "people time" I can handle.
I think email has been a wonderful development for the introvert. I find I can discuss issues of faith much easier by email than I can face-to-face. That's true whether the person I'm emailing with lives across the country or sits in the next pew on Sunday morning. I have made closer friends in my own congregation by using email than I probably would have had I only communicated with those people in church, when I tend to shrink back.
I am a church organist and at a recent staff retreat, our pastor asked what we do to recharge when our batteries are low. Several staff members said "be around other people." Two of us said "go off by myself." The pastor said "do the opposite of what I've been doing - either go off alone or get around other people." I think it probably helps to have that balance on the staff.
I agree. Email is a great way to connect. Garrison Keillor once wrote, "The telephone is to shyness what Hawaii is to February, it's a way out of the woods, and yet: a letter is better." Email is becoming our substitute for letters, though they aren't as "pretty" and people don't often print them out and use them as bookmarks as I used to with letters, but any kind of writing is a real good way for us introverts to express ourselves, because it is quiet, (except for the click clack of the keyboard) and it doesn't require face to face contact. Plus, you can delete and rewrite before you hit "send."
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